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Professional Moron’s Official Blog Mascot!
Paul the Pentagon, our Official Mascot. TM. Do not steal – on pain of belligerent e-mails. We decided to invent a blog mascot to liven things up a bit. As we’re so terminally lazy, we found one we drew...
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The Many Joys of Potpourri
It’s like potpourri, but not at all. Ah yes, the mixture of dried fruits and plants which makes for really weird smells. Potpourri is a confusing beast with many issues. The first problem is the name:...
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You’ve Heard Of Crowdsourcing – Now It’s Time For Crowsourcing!
You’d trust him right? Crowdsourcing, adjective (probably). Definition: “Crowdsourcing is the process of obtaining needed services, ideas, or content by soliciting contributions from a large group of...
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Exclusive Recipe: Houmongous!
Are you ready to take your houmous experience to the NEXT level?! We all love houmous here at Professional Moron. We eat it with everything! We’re so depraved we’ll even add a dollop to our English...
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What Causes The Common Cold? Cold Calling!
Ancient parchments display how Englishmen have been afflicted by colds for millennia. Professional Moron’s esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, was tragically struck down by the common cold late this week....
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Camel Casing: In The Making Of This Glorious Headline, no Camels were Harmed
The most dramatic use of camel casing in the history of ever! Camel casing is an intensely contentious subject in the world of digital marketing. Most of us, whether we’re aware of it or not, write...
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Book of da Week: Matt Beaumont’s e
Matt Beaumont’s e! e (also known as e: The Novel of Liars, Lunch and Lost Knickers) is the debut novel from former copywriter Matt Beaumont. Published in 2000, it’s distinctive for constructing its...
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Exclusive Invention: The PillOw (for those who detest sleep)
The sooner you learn sleep is for morons, the better! Two inventions in one week – we’re on a roll! It was the bath mutt the other day, but today it’s the turn of the pillOw, which takes the lovely...
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Exclusive Santa Column: Shaking Up The Xmas Script!
Santa reveals all about the future of Christmas! As Santa Claus, I’ve often viewed Christmas as a finitely cyclical process of ensuring screaming little brats don’t scream like brats on Christmas Day....
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Exclusive Invention: Towls (towels for owls)
Got the hat? Got the scarf? Now it’s time to get the towl! Owls don’t really have many inventions made just for them, so we decided to hit a market bereft of ideas in order to capitalise on this...
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Exclusive Invention: Gust Posting (like guest posting, but windier)
Gusty? If you’ve been on the internet in the last 12 years, you might have heard of something called “guest posting”. This is where someone from another blog posts on someone else’s blog, and the whole...
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Great Sayings Revisited: Service with a missile
Want some fries with that? The hospitality industry has long had a number of maxims which you may, or may not, agree with. The most famous is this: “The customer is always right”. Now, we all now that...
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Great Sayings Revisited: First come, first severed
He has the power (to sever). There’s an old business adage that is pretty archaic and demands a lot of superfluous bloodshed. It is this: “First come, first severed”. Now, this doesn’t really make much...
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FAQs: What are toilets and why are there so many of them?
The toilet. Toilets are quite important. Without a toilet, you’re basically a barbarian. Imagine having lived your life with no toilets in the vicinity, you’d feel ashamed at what you’d have been...
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Job Spec: Join Our Apprenticeship Programme!
You can apply from today! Do note, we reserve the right to maintain our No Hipsters policy. Fantastic news! After our long-suffering apprentice completed his programme with us, we’re now opening our...
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FAQs: What Should You Do In a Job Interview?
“Whilst I sip at my gin on the rocks, can you explain why your CV is blank?” – “Yeah, I ain’t done nuffink.” This week’s FAQs goes out to all of the employers and employees out there, so this is a...
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Exclusive Santa Column: Singles, Shingles, Gout, & Yuletide Prep
Huzzah! Please note – we do not condone or endorse this woman’s actions. With Santa back on his feet and able to move again (after a chronic batch of gout), he’s getting into the Christmas spirit. His...
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Exclusive Santa Column: Quantitive & Qualitative Product Delineation (Plus a...
“Can we change that blue bit to pink? I might understand this graph if I’m able to ameliorate within the spheres of visual ideation.” Great, here we go. Another one of these Santa columns. For the...
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Exclusive Santa Column: Government Inspection & Introducing Nude Working Days!
Santa places quality control second only to his gout. Santa is back! He’s still recovering from his bout of malignant gout, but he’s back! Great news for all of you wondering about Christmas 2018. It’s...
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Invention: Moppy the Sentient Mop (for excellent mop bot mopping)
Indeed. Hey! Sick of household chores? [You nod violently until suffering a crick in the neck]. Want to stop doing household chores?! [You try to nod again but that crick recurs, forcing you to wince...
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